Rebirth

Today marked the first day of my "domestic life" as a wife. The whole day I stayed in our little room, cleaning the place, washing the dishes and arranging some things. I read 2 books but did not finished any of them. But anyhow, I've learned a lot from both books. One book I read was Bro. Bo's "Your Past Does Not Define Your Future". It dawned on me how my past defined who I am right now. All my insecurities, my apprehensions in life actually has a history to back them up. Reading the book and applying what I have learned from it would really be a start of my healing. Yes, I want to be healed. I want to be whole again, I want to live a life of purpose and not walk around everyday like a zombie. I want to have dreams, big dreams. I want to plan for the future and what necessary steps to take to fulfill those plans.
I have realized that with everything that I did in the past, I haven't forgiven myself yet. I thought that I have moved on but actually I was running away from it, trying to hide myself from the truth. I am ashamed of what I have done and I kept it all inside me because I thought that it is for the best. But actually it was a load too heavy to carry...and I carry it with me everywhere I go. I have to face it head on...to start my healing process.
I can't wait to free myself of this burden. I can't wait to be free of my insecurities and my shamefulness. I can't wait to live my life in God's glory. I can't wait to start anew.