Growth

Over the weekend, I realized a lot of things about life.

A time will come for all of us to look for growth somewhere else.

Our home will always be there, but the familiarity it brings sometimes stagnate us and hinder us from growing as a person.

I have experienced this first hand after I got married.

When I was still living under my parent’s roof, I couldn’t wait to get out of it. I couldn’t wait to spend my life with my soon to be husband. I thought that leaving my parent’s home would be easy and that the changes married life will bring in my life would be a piece of cake. But then what I thought would be easy was actually really hard, what I thought would be a piece of cake was actually hard to swallow.

Being away from my family was the hardest thing after I got married. I was so used to the comforts of home that being away from it was sometimes unbearable. It didn’t help that the place my husband rented didn’t have any television or a radio at least. I even have to go to the mall to use an internet connection. All I did the whole day was either reading books or trying to do the laundry.

Truth to tell, it was really hard. In fact, I have blamed myself for making such an impulsive decision. I had a “great” life back home. I had a job in a government agency and I was up for promotion at that time. I left all of it for a domesticated life with my husband. But soon I realized that leaving home was what I really needed. I mean, personally, I have stopped growing. Yes, I had a fantastic job but it did not bring out the best in me. Four years of routine work is not challenging anymore. I am good in a lot of things but I haven’t had the chance to hone my skills because I was so comfortable back home that in my free time, I just watched television and surf the net. Where’s the growth there, right?

Yesterday, my husband’s best friend has left the country to work in New Zealand. Our friends, especially my husband had a hard time saying goodbye to a dear friend. It will probably take some time before he can come back home. That friend lived a very comfortable life yet he chose to leave the country to find work somewhere else. Though I am sad that he left, I feel excited for him because I am sure he’ll find his personal growth there. Like me, he will learn quite a number of things about himself and what he can do. Like me, he will discover new skills and hone those that he has not used for a long time.

Yes, life is hard and the choices it brings can be life changing. But regardless, whether good or bad, in the end, we have learned something. And as we learn, we grow.

Rebirth

Today marked the first day of my "domestic life" as a wife. The whole day I stayed in our little room, cleaning the place, washing the dishes and arranging some things. I read 2 books but did not finished any of them. But anyhow, I've learned a lot from both books. One book I read was Bro. Bo's "Your Past Does Not Define Your Future". It dawned on me how my past defined who I am right now. All my insecurities, my apprehensions in life actually has a history to back them up. Reading the book and applying what I have learned from it would really be a start of my healing. Yes, I want to be healed. I want to be whole again, I want to live a life of purpose and not walk around everyday like a zombie. I want to have dreams, big dreams. I want to plan for the future and what necessary steps to take to fulfill those plans.
I have realized that with everything that I did in the past, I haven't forgiven myself yet. I thought that I have moved on but actually I was running away from it, trying to hide myself from the truth. I am ashamed of what I have done and I kept it all inside me because I thought that it is for the best. But actually it was a load too heavy to carry...and I carry it with me everywhere I go. I have to face it head on...to start my healing process.
I can't wait to free myself of this burden. I can't wait to be free of my insecurities and my shamefulness. I can't wait to live my life in God's glory. I can't wait to start anew.

Nonsense

Right now, I am at some hotel lobby eating bacon sandwich paired with coke. Although I am not hungry, I have no choice because i am here to use their internet. I'm not being a cheapskate here you know because its like paying for eighty pesos for the internet use.
Anyway, I am enjoying my time alone and i enjoyed the fact that I am connected right. Oh how i miss facebook and cafe world! But those are not the most important things, what is important is that I am with husband, day and night. I am very happy that we are together now.
I am praying that I would be able to find a job here so that i could still support my family back in Cebu and support my other "needs". I really hope that soon we can find a bigger place to stay where i can have my own little kitchen and cook something good for my husband. I'm also hoping that we will be blessed with a child. I would really love to have one. Our very own Ryden Calob. In God's time it will all come to us.

Cemented

Tomorrow I will be joining my husband in Bacolod. Looking around my parent's rented home, I felt sadness within me. Not that I am attached in the house itself but i am more attached to my family.
For the past 2 weeks I have been sleeping in the living room with my little brother. He told me he wants to accompany me because i am all alone in the living room. He is so sweet. I am going to miss him so much.
I am sure to miss the television at home, the 24 hour internet access and our dogs.
Going to Bacolod entails a big change and difficult adjustments.

I hope everything will be ok in time.

Blessed

Today I felt overly blessed. I am blessed with a loving husband, a rowdy but great family, my husband's sweet family, wonderful soon-to-be ex-office mates and hilarious friends. Indeed, my life is blessed and I am really grateful to God for His generosity, His kindness and His great love for me. I may not know what my future in Bacolod brings, but I've got a feeling that whatever it is, it will be awesome! I mean, when God gives, He gives abundantly. And that's what I am preparing myself for; His abundance.

Thank you Father for loving me unconditionally. I love you so much Dad!

Overture

This is my first attempt to compose a blog. I will try to make this informative and less diary-like kind of blog. This is going to be a little hard because it has been a decade since my last entry in my diary. I don't keep journals anymore, I really don't know why. I used to write all sorts of stuff everyday but I guess I grew lazy making blow-by-blow account of my life.

So what inspires me to write? Well, its not a what but a who. My husband thought that i should go back to writing because I am good at it. He told me that i should write about weddings (because i want to be a coordinator) and that he told me that blogging nowadays can make money. That is sort of the inspiration i need to go back to writing right? Earning money while you compose nonsense stuff. But really, I intend to practice and put things in motion again, i mean put my brain in motion again. I have been stagnated for awhile but atleast i'm doing something out of the ordinary now.

This is it. The start of something new. (So High School Musical..hehe) Till then...